His Soul's Reflection
by shonen-aigoddess
Summary: Warnings: angstrapelanguage When Hijiri is forced to kidnap Hisoka to save his life, is muraki working alone and will their relationship ever be the same? part two in a three part one shot series.


His Soul's Reflection.

Hijiri and Hisoka had been dating for almost a year and Hijiri had managed to make Hisoka trust him a little more each day.

Secretly he marked days on a calendar that were large breakthroughs in their relationship and he started his own journal.

The first entry was rarely looked at as it described the events that led up to him becoming a shinigami.

The most painful part of which, was the incident with Damian and Hisoka. 

Even thinking about what had happened made him extremely angry, but he needed to write it.

In two weeks it would be the one-year mark of both Hisoka's abduction, and the beginning of their relationship.

Hijiri wanted to make it special.

He wanted to give Hisoka something very special, something he'd been planning for months...but that was about to change.

On his way to meet Hisoka for lunch one afternoon, he over heard a terrible conversation.

"We think it's Muraki."

He recognized the voices to be Konoe and Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki sounded distressed as he answered this.

"I can't do it chief. I can't do something like that to him. He'd never trust me again and he's the best partner I've ever had." 

Konoe's next words were sharp and to the point.

"It's painful but it has to be done and there's no one else to do it. You may lose him if you don't."

Hijiri stepped in, eyes blazing.

"What are we talking about?"

''

It happened to be a Friday and Hijiri was in a very bad mood.

Watari noticed this sudden change in mood as the boy sat filling out a case report from a recent investigation.

"Hijiri-san, is something bothering you?"

Hijiri sighed and set the pen down.

"Deeply." 

Watari was silent for a moment as he pulled up a chair.

"Is it about Hisoka?"

Hijiri closed his eyes tightly.

"Not in a relationship sort of way, no...it's something I can't tell anyone about right now."

Watari wasn't sure what to say to this.

"Why don't you come to my place this evening. I could use some company and I'm sure Hisoka wouldn't mind..."

Hijiri slammed his hands down.

"NO!" 

Calming slightly, he dropped his head to the desk.

"I need some time away from him to think clearly. I'll accept your offer but not with Hisoka."

Watari was still blinking from the outburst and nodded.

"O-okay." 

It was no accident that Hijiri forgot to tell Hisoka that he wouldn't be home.

In fact, he didn't want the blond to have any idea where he was for reasons which he couldn't even tell Hisoka.

Watari had made the mistake of giving Hijiri a little wine to relax him. 

Normally Hijiri would have stopped at that, however he decided as he sat there with Watari, that he wanted to get completely drunk.

And that's what he did.

Watari was regretting letting him, however he had been so insistent that he'd only do it that night and not go home, that Watari decided he'd at least be safe at his place.

It wasn't like he'd die and the hang over would certainly stop him from doing it again.

"Hijiri...it's getting pretty late. I should call Hisoka and tell him where you are."

Hijiri was slightly too drunk to remember why he hadn't wanted Hisoka to know why he was where he was, and at this point he wanted to see Hisoka.

In his state he didn't realize how much he would hurt the blond.

So he neither answered nor stopped Watari from picking up the phone. 

While Watari was on the phone, Tatsumi happened to come home.

"Hello Hijiri-kun. Hisoka is quite worried about you."

Hijiri beamed at this and stood, rudely wrapping his arm around, and hanging on the secretary who was beginning to understand why Hisoka hadn't been informed as he saw the two shot glasses and a bakers dozen of bottles scattered about the kitchen.

"I LOVE Hisoka-chan. You know, I mean REALLY LOVE him!"

Tatsumi gave a glair to Watari as he helped the boy over to the couch.

"Yes Hijiri-kun, you and Hisoka have a very nice relationship and I'm sure you wouldn't want to hurt him by not telling him where you are?"

Hijiri chuckled and nodded, flopping down onto the couch.

"That's why Watari's calling for me."

Tatsumi sighed deeply.

He wasn't sure Watari was the best choice for that job, but it was already being done...or so he thought.

Watari hung up with a frown and turned to them.

"He's not picking up."

The answer to this was a knock on the door.

When no one answered after a few moments, he knocked again.

Watari hurried to the door to find the other blond in near tears on his door step.

"Watari...is Hijiri here?"

Watari didn't get a chance to speak as Hijiri suddenly blurted out from behind.

"Hi-sO-ka! Come play with us!"

Hisoka was taken aback at this and Watari sighed.

"When I offered him some wine I didn't realize he would take the whole bottle..."

Hisoka simply glared and stepped in, thankful to see Tatsumi there.

"Don't let him fool you Hisoka, both of them were drinking like fish when I came home."

Hisoka didn't get a chance to respond to this as Hijiri was suddenly stumbling towards him.

The former violinist tripped and went sprawling into Hisoka but couldn't keep his balance and pulled them both to the floor.

"Hisoka-chan!" 

The blond pushed on Hijiri, trying to get him off the floor but he simply kissed Hisoka roughly on the lips.

Hisoka noticed Tatsumi and Watari staring and blushed before shoving a little harder on the drunk boy above him.

"Hijiri! Get off of me!"

Hijiri smirked and got up, managing to balance himself but as soon as Hisoka was standing, he was right back to dangling on his arm.

Had Tatsumi not had to deal with Watari on top of everything else, he would have helped Hisoka, though no one could have predicted what happened next.

Hijiri suddenly turned very serious as he spotted an extra bedroom.

As Tatsumi disappeared dragging a suddenly half passed out Watari off towards the master bedroom, Hijiri looked at Hisoka like a wolf. 

"Hisoka..." 

It was said in just a single breath and he took hold of Hisoka's wrist. 

The blond was now beginning to be rather scared and tried to pull free but Hijiri only held tighter.

"I know you don't like to do this in front of people, so lets just quickly borrow their other room."

Hisoka's eyes widened and he tried harder to pull away.

"No! I just want to go home!"

Hijiri ignored this statement and kissed him softly as he slowly backed them into the room.

Hisoka didn't put up much of a protest until he realized Hijiri had closed and was now locking the door.

"Hijiri...I said I want to go home."

Hijiri smoothed his fingers over Hisoka's cheek and kissed him again. 

"We'll go home in a little bit. All I want to do is lay down with you for a few minutes."

Hisoka thought over his options and his instincts were telling him to call out for Tatsumi, however the faint sound of soft moaning reached his ears and he realized he had no help.

He pushed back a little on Hijiri.

"We can lay together on the couch at home, now let's go."

But to his utter shock, Hijiri grabbed him around the waist and shoulders, kissing him roughly before dragging him to the bed. 

Falling beneath Hijiri was frightening enough, however he was suddenly assaulted by soft kisses to the neck.

In normal situations Hisoka would be enjoying this, however in Hijiri's drunken state he had no idea what the brunet was capable of.

He'd proven before that he could easily overpower the blond and being in a dark room on a bed brought back far too many memories for Hisoka to be comfortable with at the moment.

"Hijiri...stop!" 

Hisoka's voice betrayed his body.

If Hijiri hadn't been drunk Hisoka might have actually gone the whole way.

But with Hijiri's gentleness pushed under a hazy veil of expensive alcohol, Hisoka was afraid he wouldn't stop if he needed to.

The kisses to his neck were soon accompanied by smooth hands sliding down the blonds torso, making the soft fabric of his work shirt caress his skin in a way that was very appealing.

It's where his hands were headed that Hisoka was worried about.

Suddenly Damian's face flashed before him in place of Hijiri's and he struggled to get free of the grasp.

"Stop! Hijiri listen to me!"

Hijiri lifted his head to gaze into Hisoka's eyes.

"You're skin is so soft. Hisoka...you're so beautiful...let me make love to you."

Hisoka was suddenly silent as these words sank in.

Muraki had said them years before and as Hijiri kissed his lips he began to feel tears sliding down Hisoka's cheeks.

"Hi-soka?" 

He stopped immediately, coming to his senses and as he stood, Hisoka curled himself into a ball and began to cry harder.

"Hijiri..." 

Hijiri just stood there for a moment, staring at his hands.

He was shaking and suddenly very sober.

"What...what did i...just do? Hisoka..."

Hisoka flinched as Hijiri sat next to him and pulled his head up to his shoulder.

"I...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

Hisoka looked up into his face, tears streaming from his eyes.

"Can we go home now? Please?"

His voice was broken.

In that second Hijiri felt more guilt than he ever had.

It eclipsed the guilt he'd felt for taking Otanoshi's cornea...he'd just done something he had vowed to never do.

He'd hurt Hisoka.

"I...I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am."

Hisoka closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

"Please just let's go home okay? You have had way too much to drink and you need to sleep it off. We'll talk about it in the morning when you're sober."

Hijiri nodded silently and stood, gently lifting Hisoka into his arms, and left.

''

Hijiri had forgotten one key fact about getting drunk.

When there was that much alcohol consumed, a hang over was inevitable. 

Unfortunately for Hijiri, he neither had anything that could help it, nor could he suffer the way he wanted to as Hisoka would be taking the throw back from it.

He sat up, suddenly realizing he was in the blonds bed half naked. 

That thought scared him and the hang over was temporarily forgotten.

The memories of the previous night began to flood back to him.

He stumbled out of the bed and threw open the bedroom door to find Hisoka peacefully reading on the couch and the smell of brewing coffee assaulted him.

He quickly had to head for the bathroom.

Once done scouring his teeth and mouth to get the taste of a mix of the wine, rum, and beer he'd had-and thrown up several times, he took a deep breath and headed out to Hisoka.

He was alarmed at Hisoka's calmness and sat down across from him.

" Hisoka..."

He looked up with a smile from his book, which he set on the table in front of him to pour a cup of hot coffee for Hijiri.

"This should help settle your stomach and take away the headache." 

Hijiri was almost afraid to take it.

"You're being..."

Hisoka was now simply staring at him over the rim of his cup while he drank. 

"Calm...last night did we do..."

Hisoka set the cup down and smiled.

"No Hijiri...you passed out cold and I felt sorry for you. I slept out here on the couch last night. Besides, I'm sure there's something you want to say to me and I wouldn't be a very good boyfriend if I didn't at least hear you out."

Hijiri took a deep breath and a sip of his coffee.

"Well...yes. I have this job to do and all I can tell you is if it doesn't work out, I may never see you again. My subconscious screamed to show you that I love you before it's too late...and my reasoning skills had blown out the window hours before. But really...all I want to say is that I'm very sorry."

Hisoka's hand trembled as he set the cup back down.

"What do you mean? Why can't you tell me?"

Hijiri looked away for a moment.

"Konoe made it perfectly clear that if I told anyone what this case was, even you, that I'd be judged and sent on immediately."

Hisoka was silent for a moment but when he spoke his voice trembled. 

"It's...Muraki isn't it?"

Hijiri stood and moved next to him, wrapping his arms around the blond tightly.

"I really wish I could tell you. It would make things so much easier but...I don't want to go yet. I'm not ready to leave you." 

Hisoka looked deep into his eyes and nodded.

"I understand."

Hijiri closed his eyes tightly, choking back his tears.

"I hope you can still say that when this is over."

Hisoka didn't know what to say in return to this.

Without saying it directly, Hijiri had just confirmed his fear.

Hisoka knew Muraki would be back.

He was Muraki's leverage over Tsuzuki after all, and the evil doctor couldn't have possibly known about their break up.

Unfortunately, he also knew that it didn't matter because Tsuzuki was still in love with him and would do anything to keep him safe...including giving his own mind and body to Muraki.

He was brought out of his thoughts suddenly by a soft kiss to the ear and then a whisper.

"You forgive me than?"

Hisoka nodded and shifted to lay his head on Hijiri's chest.

"I suppose that would drive anyone to drink. Just...swear to me you won't ever do what you did to me again."

He felt Hijiri hold in his breath for a moment, as if he was going to cry.

"I'm so sorry Hisoka. Never again I swear."

Hijiri had done a very good job at learning to block his thoughts and emotions from Hisoka, but as they sat there he let his guard down and deliberately drowned the blond with his emotions of love and calmness.

The two simply sat there for hours before drifting off to sleep in complete silence later that afternoon.

Hijiri knew that this was the last time he'd get to hold Hisoka like this for a very long time.

Come Monday evening he feared their relationship would officially be over forever.

He now understood what Tsuzuki had meant when he said Hisoka wouldn't ever trust him again.

''

Hijiri sighed deeply as the phone rang.

He knew it would be Konoe calling to give him his next instructions. 

When he got off the phone Hisoka was standing behind him, staring at him. 

Before the blond knew what was happening, Hijiri had his hands and he found himself pinned between the violinist and the kitchen wall in a heated kiss.

"Hi...jiri..." 

His head was beginning to swim and Hijiri just wouldn't let up.

After a few more intense kisses, he moved to Hisoka's neck, provoking a moan from the blond as his teeth gently grazed the soft skin there. 

"Hisoka..." 

His name was whispered lustily and the blond began to realize what was going on.

He was suddenly lifted off his feet and carried into his room.

In spite of Hijiri's rough kisses, he was set down softly on the bed and the violinist made sure not to hurt him.

He sat beside Hisoka, rather than over him, but the majority of his body covered the blond as he continued to lay tender kisses all over his neck and up behind his ear.

"Hijiri..." 

He stopped, taking Hisoka's hand and stared into the matching green eyes with a sadness that Hisoka couldn't comprehend.

"Hisoka..." 

Hisoka closed his eyes with a deep sigh.

"I...I think I'm ready."

Hijiri smiled softly and brushed his fingers lightly over Hisoka's flushed cheek.

"We'll go as far as you want and stop when you need to. I love you Hisoka, more than you could ever understand."

Hisoka smiled at this and reached his free hand up to Hijiri's cheek, looking into his eyes, searching for intent.

"As long as you mean that I'll be okay."

Hijiri closed his eyes and kissed him gently.

"Forever." 

''

Hisoka woke the next morning and stared around the room.

He still lay in Hijiri's arms, hands entangled with each other and comfortable under the cool sheet.

Without any reservations or concerns he'd given himself completely to Hijiri and as he lay there thinking about everything that had happened the night before, he was content for the first time in his life.

A kind of silky dizzying happiness that he'd never felt before. 

Nothing had hurt and Hijiri was princely and gentle the whole night, softly whispering how much he loved Hisoka when they had finished and were laying face to face.

Hijiri began to stir next to him and he turned back to face the violinist, kissing him softly to wake him.

Sleepy emerald eyes opened slowly and a soft smile graced his lips as he stared back.

Hijiri smoothed a few strands of Hisoka's hair behind his ear and whispered.

"Are you okay?"

Hisoka smiled and nodded, whispering back.

"I'm...very happy. I want to thank you."

Hijiri sat up a little and looked down at Hisoka who lay still, staring up at him.

"For what?"

Hisoka brushed his fingers over Hijiri's hand.

"For making me understand how much you love me. For being so gentle with me and understanding that I was afraid."

Hijiri smiled brightly and turned his hand up, closing his fingers around Hisoka's.

"I'm happy that you trusted me enough for that."

Trust...that word lingered painfully in his mind and suddenly he felt very guilty. 

Hisoka had finally trusted him enough to allow Hijiri to make love to him and in just twenty-four hours he would be forced to betray that trust.

That thought made him very sad.

It would take another year to gain back that trust, if he could at all. 

He could only hope that Hisoka would understand in the end.

As he sat there staring at the blond, he decided he'd do everything in his power to show Hisoka that he was very in love.

He leaned down and kissed Hisoka softly.

"I love you Hisoka."

Hisoka smiled brightly and kissed him back.

"I love you too."

Hijiri laid back down and wrapped his arm tightly around Hisoka's waist. 

"Let's just lay here for a while."

Hisoka nodded with a smile and closed his eyes.

Hijiri glanced at the clock and sighed deeply.

"I have to report to Konoe at around two thirty this after noon. I'm not sure when I'll be back."

Hisoka took his hand gently.

"I'm scared Hijiri. I wish you could tell me what's going on." 

Hijiri closed his eyes as well.

"I wish more than anything that I could too and I want to spend as much time with you as I can before the job."

Hisoka tried to secretly read his thoughts but Hijiri pushed him out. 

"Hisoka...if you know right now I may not come back at all."

Hisoka opened his eyes and stared at him for a moment before deciding to let it go.

He had to trust Hijiri...trust was everything in a relationship. 

Secretly Hijiri worried himself sick that once all was said and done, Hisoka would leave him.

''

The two had spent all day snuggling together under the sheet, until Hijiri had to leave.

Hisoka had been told not to cook for two and that he would likely be home very late if at all.

He didn't bother eating though, feeling strange without Hijiri in the apartment.

At eleven Hijiri was still not home and the phone rang, making him jump. 

"Hello." 

He answered hastily and was disappointed to hear Konoe rather than Hijiri.

"Kurosaki kun, I'm sorry to call so late."

Hisoka let out a breath and Konoe could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"That's okay. I haven't gone to bed yet...is Hijiri coming home tonight?" 

There was a pause on the other end and Hisoka knew the answer.

"Something came up and he had to leave early. Come into the office tomorrow at the same time as always and I'll explain what's going on." 

Hisoka sighed deeply.

"Yes sir..."

Konoe's voice was monotone, hiding his emotions from Hisoka.

"Good night."

Hisoka closed his eyes.

"Good night sir..." 

''

Hisoka had a hard time sleeping.

He felt as though he were being watched and a few times he even thought he saw Hijiri's form beside the bed.

He was tired still as he stepped into the shower that morning.

It felt strange.

Hijiri always took his shower at night and would stand just outside the door and practice his violin for Hisoka in the mornings.

The silence in the room was saddening.

His walk to work was just as unsettlingly quiet.

Hijiri was always on about something.

A new violin piece he wanted to learn, or the latest of Watari's mishaps.

This morning there was nothing but the sound of the wind through the sakura and the occasional chirp of doves.

He thought he was going crazy as he momentarily saw Hijiri, violin and bow in hand, standing shadowed in the sakura trees.

What he didn't know was that he had indeed seen Hijiri.

He had indeed been standing beside the bed the night before.

He had watched the blond all night and was now waiting to make his move. 

Every muscle in his body was tense as he watched his victim from a safe distance.

His instructions were clear.

Kidnap Hisoka and tell no one where they were.

Not even Hisoka.

Hijiri lamented this.

He didn't want to hurt his lover but he knew Hisoka wouldn't go without a fight if he didn't know who it was.

He decided the quick and least painful way was to chloroform him.

He waited silently as Hisoka got into position.

Hijiri knew their morning rout like the back of Hisoka's hand.

He knew the perfect opportunity to do it and watched with a sigh as Hisoka stopped to pick up the control object he had laid out to stop him in the right place.

He pulled the bottle from his pocket and drenched one of his gloves with it.

Replacing it in his pocket for later use, he descended upon the unsuspecting blond.

Hisoka let out a startled cry as arms came around him from behind and a gloved hand cupped it's self over his nose and mouth.

He held his breath, realizing the glove was laced but that didn't work for long and with one last cry he was gone.

Hijiri felt dizzy himself as he caught the still form in his arms and quickly took off the gloves, shoving them into his pocket. 

"Hisoka...I'm so sorry...please forgive me."

And with that, the two were gone from Meifu.

''  
Konoe looked up suddenly as Hijiri appeared before him.

"It's done sir."

He nodded.

"Good, the boy will be safe now. Return next Monday."

Hijiri nodded silently and was gone again.

He reappeared in the small apartment he'd taken Hisoka to.

He'd decided on Kyoto, having owned this small flat when alive.

It was vacant now, just a bed in the corner and a small wooden chair. 

He shivered as he glanced over to Hisoka's still form on the bed.

He needed some calming before he touched the boy, knowing his knot of fear and anguish would hurt the blond further.

He was allowed to take one thing and he'd chosen his violin.

He took a deep, shaking breath, finally allowing the tears to slip from his eyes at the horror of his own actions.

He understood why it had to be done this way, and he was glad Tsuzuki had refused.

He'd have lost his mind if Hisoka had just disappeared for a week. 

Tsuzuki would have hurt Hisoka.

Tsuzuki would likely have used a psychic overload and that would have kept Hisoka out for days.

Hijiri's fingers shook as he began to play softly.

It was a tune of regret and sorrow.

One he often played for Hisoka before he'd become a shinigami himself. 

In the past his regret had been letting Hisoka go so easily.

He'd kicked himself repeatedly for keeping his feelings silent.

But now it was a regret that ran to the very heart of his soul.

One that would not leave until he knew Hisoka was going to stay.

One he feared he would carry with him for eternity.

He needed Hisoka and was terrified of losing him after this.

He closed his eyes tightly and began to feel better as he played.

''

Hisoka slowly became aware of a familiar sound that he recognized as Hijiri's violin.

He was still very dizzy and only managed a soft moan as he opened his eyes.

The violinist had heard the sound and stopped, turning to see glinting, dizzy green eyes staring at him.

Finally a soft voice came from the lips that he knew too well. 

"Hi...jiri..." 

Hijiri at once placed his violin back in it's case and half hazardly discarded the bow on top of it as he rushed to his lover's side. 

"Hisoka!" 

The blond began to look around, becoming frightened.

"Where...are we? Hijiri..."

He was regaining his senses quickly and Hijiri could only stare as he sat up.

"Hijiri...you!" 

The violinist's head sank into his hand as he sobbed.

"I had to! You don't understand!"

Hisoka stared, torn between wanting to comfort him and wanting to run.

It was clear that Hijiri had kidnapped him, but the question was... why? 

"Am...I your case?"

Hijiri looked up into his eyes with a nod.

"I can only tell you that should we return to Meifu before Monday...you may be in danger."

Hisoka stood, falling back against the wall behind the bed.

"That's seven days! What is going on?! How will I be in danger?!" 

Hijiri stood, reaching out to Hisoka, but the blond side stepped him. 

"Don't touch me!"

Hijiri swallowed more tears as he stepped closer to the blond. 

"Hisoka...you don't understand. This is not my fault. I'm only following orders." 

Hisoka pressed himself against the wall even harder.

"You couldn't just tell me we were leaving?! Did you have to knock me out? Scare me like that?!"

Hijiri broke down into more tears and fell to his knees, slamming his fist against the floor.

"Damn it! I asked him that myself!"

Hisoka stared down at him.

"And?" 

Hijiri looked up, tears streaming down his face.

"He said that if i didn't do it this way the plan wouldn't work." 

Hisoka was moved by Hijiri's tears and real sorrow, but something didn't feel right.

He was hiding something.

"What plan is that?"

Hijiri closed his eyes tightly.

"I can't tell you yet."

Hisoka slid down the wall slowly and pulled his legs up to his chest.

He felt very uncomfortable being there.

Hisoka's trust for the violinist was vanishing by the second.

He was actually even beginning to be afraid of Hijiri who he stared at intently.

"I...trusted you Hijiri...with places of my body that I don't even touch. And this is how you pay me back for it? By kidnapping and lying to me?" 

Hijiri stood and made a move towards the blond, but was stopped by a startled cry.

"I said don't touch me!"

Hijiri sat on the edge of the bed and dug his fingers into his bangs.

"You see now? This is what I told you I was so afraid of. I knew you wouldn't understand, but I had hoped you'd at least be okay with me. You know they were going to have Tsuzuki do it?"

Hisoka blinked at him.

"Why...did you do it instead?"

Hijiri couldn't find the strength to look into his eyes.

"I was afraid he'd hurt you. I was afraid of him touching you...I know about what he did two months ago Hisoka..."

Hisoka froze.

"Watari told you?"

Hijiri nodded.

"I swore that I'd never hurt you and I haven't yet. Please don't leave me Hisoka...if you could know what I know right now you would understand. There's a fifty/fifty chance that I'll make it out of this okay and when everything is over I'm going to need you more than ever."

Hisoka was silent and stood.

Hijiri was afraid to get too close to Hisoka by now, so he simply looked at the other boy.

The blond refused to let on that he was getting very dizzy.

A strong energy was near by, sending ripples through his head. 

"Hisoka..." 

Hijiri spoke softly.

"I'm trying to protect you...I'm...sorry."

He looked away from the other boy.

Hisoka sighed and turned to the window.

"I wish I could understand what's going on...I need to know. I don't want to be afraid of you but..."

Hijiri looked away from Hisoka.

"I know you want to know,"

He said,

"And it really kills me to not be able to tell you...but...I can't..." 

Hisoka closed his eyes, trying to figure out what all was going on inside his lovers head.

There were so many emotions coupled with whatever was somewhere in the city beyond that was so strong.

"I know."

Hijiri suddenly noticed that something else was wrong with the boy. 

"H-Hisoka? Is...something else the matter? Something other than this?" 

Hisoka turned a bit too quickly to stare at the violinist and had to grab hold of the chair to stop from falling.

"Just...an extremely strong energy...to the west of us."

Hijiri felt his heart quiver and kept his eyes away from Hisoka.

"Will you be alright though?"

Righting himself quickly, he nodded.

"I should be."

Hijiri sighed.

He was very worried about Hisoka, but he couldn't think of a way to make either of them feel better, though he was more worried about Hisoka than himself.

He just hoped he could remember to keep his emotions hidden away until this was all over.

Otherwise, Hisoka would read him like a book.

Hisoka rubbed at his eyes and gave Hijiri a questioning glance. 

"I'm...really tired still."

Hijiri motioned to the bed.

"You should sleep then, I'm not going to sleep until I know you're safe.' 

Hisoka sighed heavily, slightly afraid to sleep in the same room with Hijiri now that he was his prisoner, but he knew deep down that he could trust Hijiri.

Hijiri stood from the bed and pulled the chair closer to it, sitting beside Hisoka as the blond lay down.

The sheets smelled fresh and the blanket Hijiri covered him with was warm.

"Good night my love...I'll protect and watch over you as you sleep." 

''

Hijiri sat quietly staring into Hisoka's face, a look of regret in his eyes.

He could see the conflicting emotions running through Hisoka, even at this very moment of sleep.

He was trying to make sense of it, trying to understand how Hijiri could do something like this to him.

He was relieved to see Hisoka beginning to wake.

That feeling turned to disappointment as the blond sat up, the fear so strong in his eyes that Hijiri could see it.

The brunet could see a very long struggle a head.

"Hisoka..." 

He whispered softly and reached out his hand but Hisoka slid farther away.

"Do you always have to be here with me?"

This hurt Hijiri and he drew back.

"If Muraki figures out where you are and I'm not here, what will you do?"

Hisoka was silent, blinking back tears.

"It...is about him?"

Hijiri sighed deeply and nodded.

"If I tell you this you have to know that it doesn't change anything." 

Hisoka nodded slowly and Hijiri glanced out the window.

"If this works the way we want it to, Muraki will go looking for you in Meifu..."

Hisoka cut him off.

"You have no idea why that won't work do you? He won't go to Meifu because I'm not there. He knows, Hijiri...he always knows. And Konoe knows that so there's something else going on."

Hijiri stared at him for a moment.

"They wouldn't lie to me unless..."

Hisoka pulled up his legs and hugged his knees.

He didn't know who to trust.

"Unless they didn't want me to know."

Hijiri closed his eyes for a moment and stood.

"I need to play..."

The blond watched him pick up his case and set up his violin.

As Hijiri walked to the middle of the room, Hisoka stepped up to the window.

Whatever energy force had been there was gone now but he still felt it's remnants and they were more discernable.

Something was building and it wasn't good.

''  
Hisoka had sat at the window for nearly nine hours listening to Hijiri's sorrowful piece.

He could feel the brunet's tense emotions of regret and loss.

The energy in the city had grown again and that was beginning to make him dizzy.

Finally he was able to feel his way through the wall and when he did he panicked.

He wanted out.

Muraki was coming for him.

"Hijiri..." 

Hijiri stopped playing and turned, worried to see the boy so pail.

"I have to leave...please let me go."

Hijiri set his things down and took a step towards Hisoka, but the blond took a step back.

"Hisoka...I promise I won't hurt you. We have to stay here."

Hisoka placed his hand to his head, beginning to sway.

"You already have! I trusted you! I let you make love to me and now you've done this! I can't stay here don't you understand?!"

Hijiri took a few more steps, Hisoka mirroring them backward. 

"Hisoka...listen to me. You're in great danger. I will protect you, please believe me. I love you."

Hisoka shook his head and made an attempt to get to the door but Hijiri caught him, dragging him over to the chair.

"Damn it Hisoka! Don't make me do this! Please just calm down!" 

Hijiri stood fast against Hisoka's attacks of energy until he had exhausted himself and could no longer fight.

The frightened violinist turned him around and kissed him before whispering.

"I'm here Hisoka. I won't let anything happen."

Hisoka fought against him with his fists now but his energy was drained and Hijiri was better able to get a hold of his hands.

"Listen Hisoka...if you keep this up I'm going to have to tie you to the chair."

He made the mistake of letting go of the blond as he stilled.

Dull green eyes stared up at him in complete horror.

"You...you'd tie me...to the...?"

But before he finished his sentence Hijiri watched in fear as the blonds eyes rolled back before closing as he fell.

The brunet was hardly able to catch him before he hit the floor and a startled cry escaped his lips as he lifted Hisoka's head into his lap.

To make matters worse the door suddenly slammed open and before he had time to think, he was struck over the head and everything went black. 

''  
Hijiri woke, his hands were bound to the bed and to his horror he and Hisoka were laying naked next to each other.

Hisoka's hands too were bound above him.

Muraki slinked up to them with a smirk.

"You're awake I see. The fun can begin now."

He glanced at the blond who appeared to be sleeping still but Hijiri knew better and apparently so did Muraki.

"Isn't that right my poppet?"

Hisoka didn't give any indication that he was awake until Muraki's hand began to stroke his neck softly.

"Don't touch me!"

His voice was broken as though he'd been screaming for hours.

He had in fact been screaming as he watched Muraki strip Hijiri of his clothes and then his own.

"Hijiri..." 

His words were choked.

"He wasn't after me in the first place. They didn't tell you..." 

Muraki laid a finger over his lips and hushed him.

"Now my poppet...you need to save your voice. You've screamed too much." 

Hijiri looked over at the profile of his lover and suddenly understood. 

"Damian?" 

Hisoka nodded.

Muraki grinned as he pinned Hisoka further to the bed at the hips and Hijiri froze.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

Muraki smirked down at the brunet, eye glowing for a moment.

"I'm pissing you off. I want to see your power."

Hisoka shivered and arched his back, bucking at the restraints to try and free himself but muraki backhanded him.

The anger in Hijiri was rising but he had to conserve his energy in order to build enough to attack and he was already exhausted from fighting with Hisoka.

He glanced over at the terrified blond for a moment.

"I...will save you."

Tears slid down Hisoka's cheeks as he looked back into his eyes.

"You can't...just...please don't watch."

Hijiri's eyes widened at this, he wasn't sure who was under more emotional stress, Hisoka for knowing that he was about to be raped again, or Hijiri for being unable to do anything about it.

"Please..." 

Hisoka's rough voice made Hijiri flinch.

"Close your eyes."

Hijiri trembled and did as he was told, turning his head the other way but he couldn't hold still.

Not knowing what was going on beside him.

He didn't need his eyes to know what this bastard was doing to Hisoka's body.

He didn't need his ears to know that Hisoka screamed with every thrust and he was angry.

Angry at Konoe for making him kidnap Hisoka.

For making him put his lover in danger.

For lying to him about the case.

He was angry with muraki for everything.

For what he was doing to his beloved.

He was angry with himself.

Angry that he could not control the situation and finally as Hisoka screamed out his name, the strength came back to him.

"Hijiri!" 

The brunet let out a scream of his own that actually made Muraki stop and look over.

"ENOUGH!" 

Simultaneously the bonds holding them to the bed broke.

Hijiri stood, no longer caring that he was nude and kept his eyes closed tight, afraid that if he saw what was happening he'd lose his power in a moment of grief.

Muraki pulled away from the blond, leaving him sobbing and broken again and stood, zipping his pants back up.

"Well, well. Five minutes and ten seconds. That's quite quick."

Hijiri released a growl that made Hisoka shiver.

Physically he was already healing, but Hijiri knew that no matter what his own faults, it would be a very long time before Hisoka could trust him intimately again.

"Doctor..." 

His voice resonated anger and to Hisoka's horror he began to glow an eerie purple.

Muraki began to build his shield, not knowing that Hijiri's powers were not like those of shinigami, but of the very demons he summoned. 

"You wanted to see my power. Behold it now because when I open my eyes you will no longer exist."

He paused, speaking now toward the whimpering Hisoka who could only lay and watch.

"Please..." 

His tone turned soft.

"It's my turn to ask you to close your eyes."

But in spite of his convictions, he couldn't.

He wanted to see Muraki die.

"I won't."

Hijiri sighed deeply and turned back to Muraki.

"Are you ready?"

Muraki simply laughed.

"You can't kill me. Even if you destroy my body I'll come back. Again and again and again...and I'll continue to torture my poppet." 

Hijiri had heard enough.

His eyes slid open and then glared and Muraki caught on fire.

Before he had time to scream he exploded into ash just as Damian had. 

Hisoka stared at Hijiri in shock as he looked over to the blond.

"Hisoka?" 

His voice was just a whisper.

"Are you okay?"

Hisoka nodded though not quite sure if he was or not.

"Good." 

The blond reached out with a startled cry as Hijiri fell.

''  
When Hijiri woke several hours later He found himself wrapped in the blanket from the bed.

Hisoka had been afraid to move or touch Hijiri.

He was very scared and very sad, curled into a near ball in the corner of the room.

"Don't touch me."

The blonds voice startled Hijiri as he managed to pull his clothes back on.

"I don't want anyone to touch me right now. I just want to sit here." 

Hijiri stared at him momentarily and walked up to him.

"Hisoka...you're not alone anymore. Take my hand."

He reached out and Hisoka stared up at the shaking hand.

"You..." 

Hijiri closed his eyes, trying to be strong for the blond.

"I know. And I'm so sorry. I did it because I love you Hisoka...and I was so afraid that Tsuzuki would..."

Hisoka stopped him.

"You don't know how happy I am that he's really dead."

Hijiri looked down into matching eyes.

"Than why won't you let me touch you? I just want to hold you. I want us to hold each other."

Hisoka looked away.

"I feel so dirty."

Hijiri knelt down to him, hand still outstretched.

"I need you. Please don't turn me away. Having to lay there and not be able to do anything for you is almost as bad as what he did to you. If either of us should feel dirty it should be me. I trusted the orders of a man I don't know and I hurt you. Then I stood by and did nothing when you needed me. If I hadn't fought you earlier he never would have..."

His voice broke and he fell into tears.

"Yes Hijiri...that's a whole other issue all together. You were actually going to tie me to that chair. I'm very afraid of you right now." 

He stood and walked to the window, sitting there.

Hijiri sat where he was, mumbling.

"Please forgive me."

Over and over again.

There it was that they sat, each in his own head.

''  
Hisoka had been staring out the window for hours and now almost twelve hours later he hadn't been able to close his eyes again.

Not without seeing Muraki's face.

Hijiri was in the middle of the room, playing his violin and finally Hisoka stopped him.

"I want to go home Hijiri."

Hijiri stopped playing and stared back into Hisoka's eyes with a sigh.

"We can't."

Hisoka stood slowly from the chair.

"Muraki is dead Hijiri, we can leave now."

Hijiri closed his eyes.

"Konoe said Monday. Couldn't we use a few days to ourselves?"

Hisoka took slow steps towards Hijiri.

"It's going to take time. More time than staying here for an extra day, to fix."

Hijiri nodded with a small smile as he placed his hand to Hisoka's cheek gently.

"I guess..."

Without warning he leaned in, capturing Hisoka's lips with his own.

Hisoka slowly wrapped his arms around the violinist.

His head was beginning to spin.

That was something that hadn't happened since their first kiss.

It scared and pleasured him at the same time.

With the dizziness of the re-found fear, also came the tingling of delight.

Hijiri's lips were cool over his and soon they moved to his lower jaw which slowly turned into his neck.

This affection from Hijiri began to soften his fear ever so slightly. 

Hijiri couldn't seem to get enough of Hisoka's soft skin.

It felt like it had been a month since he'd last been able to hold the blond and shower him with kisses like this.

Even through Hisoka's increasing dizziness, he didn't want Hijiri to stop. 

If he couldn't trust Hijiri not to do anything more than simple kissing, their relationship was over.

In spite of what had happened to him just the day before, Hisoka realized inside himself that Hijiri truly loved him and had only done what he thought had to be done in order to protect him.

Hijiri decided that he would talk to Konoe and find out what went wrong. 

There was no possible way he could have known that Hisoka would be hurt like that.

Hijiri stopped for a moment and gazed deep into matching eyes.

"I'll never hurt you again."

Hisoka's eyes slid closed as he nodded.

His head was spinning faster now.

"Hijiri..." 

He whispered in a breathless voice that made Hijiri wonder if he'd gone too far.

"Yes...Hi-soka?" 

The blond couldn't seem to open his eyes anymore.

"Prove to me that I can trust you."

Hijiri suddenly felt Hisoka's weight shift and he realized the blond wasn't going to make it much longer.

"Take me home and don't let go of me."

Hijiri held the blond up, letting out a startled cry.

"Hisoka!"

With a soft sigh Hisoka was gone and Hijiri held him closely, whispering softly.

"I love you Hisoka...we'll go home now."

He took them back to their apartment, never taking his eyes off him. 

''  
When Hisoka woke Hijiri was holding him tightly laying under a thick blanket on his bed.

The brunet watched him intently and kissed him softly before the blond could speak.

"Hisoka..." 

Hijiri's voice was low and soft.

"I am so sorry."

Hisoka laid there silently for a moment as he thought this over.

"I'm fighting myself Hijiri. I don't want to be afraid of you...I love you. But I'm still trying to shake out what's happened in the last four days. Can you wait possibly more than another year to sleep with me again?"

Hijiri blinked at this and sat up a little, though never released Hisoka. 

"How could you ask me that? It isn't about sex. If I never ever sleep with you again I'll be happy so long as you stay beside me. I love you Hisoka, and whatever makes you happy will be okay with me." 

Hisoka was silent, unsure of what to say.

Hijiri sighed deeply and reluctantly let go.

"I have to go see Konoe..."

Hisoka sat up, eyes quickly filling with tears.

"Please don't be angry!"

Hijiri blinked a moment and them smiled, leaning forward and kissing him deeply.

"I'm not. I'm just serious. I don't ever want you to think that's all I'm waiting around for. Because I'm not. I love you too much to care. Now..."

He paused to kiss him tenderly.

"Do you think you'll be okay by yourself for an hour or so? I really need to talk to him and this might get very ugly."

Hisoka nodded.

"I should write in my journal...alone anyway. Muraki is dead and I'm still here. I need to find another reason to stay."

Hijiri smiled softly at this and took his hand.

"The answer's staring you in the face."

And he was gone.

''  
Hijiri knocked rather roughly on the open door to Konoe's office, glairing daggers at the man.

Watari rushed to his side the moment he noticed the boy was there. 

"Hijiri, I heard about what happened. Is everything okay? How is Hisoka doing? I was so worried about you."

But his questions went unanswered as he stepped in.

"You set me up you lying bastard! You sent him with me and made me think it was about him when it was really about me!"

Konoe was silent for a moment and remained eerily calm.

"I did what I had to. Is he dead?"

Hijiri nodded.

"At the cost of Hisoka's trust in me and possibly sanity, yes he is." 

Watari placed his hand on Hijiri's shoulder softly.

"Did something happen to bon?"

Hijiri turned, fighting back the tears as he remembered.

"I was forced to lay beside him unable to do anything as Muraki raped him...again."

Watari was taken aback and looked up at Konoe himself.

"You...you let bon be hurt by that monster?! Was any of this necessary?!" 

Before Konoe could answer Watari was out the door to find Hisoka.

Hijiri turned to the man at the desk with a glass shattering glair and began to glow that purple color again as he spoke.

"Hisoka and I are taking three months to ourselves. If you try and stop us I'll tear this room apart and you with it. Mark my words Konoe, this will not go unpunished."

Konoe seemed oddly calm through the whole scene but after Hijiri left, he grinned madly.

"I've already seen enough boy. And this isn't over yet so take as much time as you need."

End


End file.
